Relinquishing the need to save others
It is the human condition to want to help. It is kind and proper to do your best to be good to others. It is in everyone’s best interest. – Or, is it?
Helping others helps our humanity. We feel good when we truly perform gestures of kindness. The problem comes in when that kindness is taken advantage of. When you end up with certain individuals in your life that come to expect you to constantly help. They can begin to cross that line from needing an occasional favor to needing and worse expecting you to be there at the drop of the hat every time something goes wrong.
You become their lifeline, their knight in shining armor.
It can be time-consuming, emotionally draining, physically draining, and even push the limits of their life taking time away from and precedence over your own. Learning to say “no” becomes vital to your own wellbeing. The problem is that with these types of friendships or relationships along with saying “no”, often comes guilt. You want the best for that person and it was in your realm of possibility to help them (again). But this time you didn’t. How do you justify that? – Not to them, but to yourself.
It is important to think about things from a different perspective. When it is all about them, yes the perspective is “feel bad” “you should have helped”. But in reality how good of a friend is that person being to you by expecting you to help take care of their life issues all of the time? Is that kind on their part, is it thoughtful, does it take into account your feelings?
The answer is No.
The best way to keep balance in any friendship or relationship is to establish balance and boundaries. When it’s all give and no take on one side the energy and the friendship are not balanced. Constantly trying to save someone, no matter how much you love them not only wears you out, it actually disempowers that person.
If you need to regain some balance back in your life Monarch Wellness can help. We offer a wide array of classes and one on one sessions. Please visit www.monarchwellness.net to learn more or schedule.