We can reach points in our lives where we feel stagnant and hopeless. It may feel like no one can help and you have reached a place you can’t make it back from.
Our lives are a series of choices much like a choose your own adventure novel. Some choices we regret and some are thrust upon us by others and by the course of life itself. There is no magic rewind button. What we do have is the power to decide to accept responsibility for where we are today and to make whatever changes are necessary in order to take control of our lives back.
Needing help is viewed as weakness by some. The truth is it takes massive strength to ask for help. Finding someone who can help you to sort out your thoughts and feelings and work towards allowing the release of all that no longer serves your best interest is invaluable.
“As within, so without” – Transforming your life is possible. It starts with you.
Finding the right avenue isn’t always easy. Monarch Wellness would love to help. They offer a wide array of classes and private sessions. Skilled caring practitioners and counselors head these groups and classes giving each and every client the personalized attention that they deserve.
If you are in the Naples, Florida area and interested in learning more, please visit www.monarchwellness.net for a list of classes and services offered.
Divorce is never a walk in the park. It’s more like a trek through a dark jungle of contorted emotions and fears without any light to find your way or see your truth. Regardless of whether or not you initiated the breakup, you feel a sense of disconnection, disruption, and abject terror.
You wonder if you’ll ever feel good again
Will the see-saw of moods and run-away thoughts ever again allow you to sleep soundly or think clearly? You question your own self-worth. Will you be able to navigate the world alone and manage to raise your kids? Uncertainty takes over. Will real love ever be possible? The deafening inner noise increases your worries and camouflages your path.
You’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, sick to your stomach or your brain is unfocused and foggy. But the effects are temporary. You’re evolving. You’re on your way to a mega-change that will connect you to a better you. You just don’t realize it yet. Let’s face it, divorce is traumatic and as such it causes alarming apprehension.
Reprogram Your Mind
To change the experience from feeling debilitating, you have to change your mind. What does that mean? It means to become mindful and aware of your negative thoughts and learn to let them go. It’s okay to feel sad—or even angry—but hyper-focusing on those episodes will expand and increase them. Don’t dwell on the grief. Instead, interrupt painful thoughts by regularly using two statements. Repeat as often as you can throughout the day (and I’ll explain why as you keep reading):
- I’m confident, strong and energetic and I’m improving my life every day.
- I love and accept myself and I calmly observe my emotions and feelings with mindfulness
How positive declarations work
They create constructive visualizations of how you can see yourself. Breakups trigger blinding judgments of failure resulting in low self-esteem and self-criticisms which contribute to agonizing depression. By saying these statements as soon as you awaken in the morning and as often as possible throughout the day, you influence a more expanded view of yourself even in the midst of crisis.
You are not your thoughts and it’s helpful to detach from them and connect to your higher self. Practice, practice, practice! As you do, you’ll find a treasure trove of love and be able to tap into your greatest potential.
Peggy Sealfon is a Personal Development Coach who spends her time helping people overcome life’s big and small challenges. Order her best-selling book, Escape From Anxiety—Supercharge Your Life With Powerful Strategies from A to Z.
Author: Peggy Sealfon
Some days we just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. It’s harder than usual to get going, your mood dips and every little thing starts to set you off. You now have two choices. 1. allow the funk to get a grip on you and wallow in it setting the tone for the rest of the day to go to hell in a hand basket, or 2. Pick an item off of this list and get your head straight realizing that you and you alone hold the power to alter your mood and change the course of your day.
- VENT – Just letting your feelings out can help. Write in a journal, call a friend, even venting on social media can help.
- MEDITATE – Meditation can take you out of your head for a while and give you a break from the mass of whirling thoughts. Relax, breathe and sit or lay back for a while.
- TAKE TIME TO YOURSELF – Even if it is just 15 minutes sometimes we need to reset.
- RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS – Doing something nice for someone else will make you feel better. It doesn’t matter if it’s your best friend or a stranger.
- COMPLIMENT SOMEONE – It’s nearly impossible to feel bad while lifting someone else up.
- GET SOME SUN – Getting the sun on your skin for a minimum of 15 minutes a day is vital for good mood and good health.
- EXERCISE – Exercise will physically make you feel better and in turn, your endorphins rise causing a better mood.
- MAKE A GOALS LIST – Sometimes life gets so busy we get a little lost. Having a clear path on where you are trying to go and what you are trying to achieve makes life much more simple.
- SPEND TIME WITH YOUR PETS – Just spending time petting your dog or cat can help you be a healthier and more relaxed person. So make sure you devote some time to their love and care daily. It’s vital to both of your well-being.
- DEEP BREATHING – Oxygen makes your entire being feel better. Breathe deeply to a count of 10, hold to a count of 10 and release… repeat 4-5 times as needed.
No one expects you to go from a deep depression to merry happy sunshine in 30 seconds flat, but taking time to yourself daily and realizing that you are important and how you feel is important is, well, important. Easing yourself into wellness and a good mood will benefit your health, your state of mind and your life overall.
To learn more please visit www.monarchwellness.net
“What you fear the most will come to you.” This proverb is found originally in the Bible (Jeremiah 42) and has been rehashed over and over throughout the years by sages, Wisemen, authors, and motivational speakers.
Fear and worry are driving factors in many people’s lives. Both are a misuse of the imagination. Imagination and thoughts are power.
The truth of the matter isn’t that just what you fear the most will come to you… It’s that whatever you focus on – good or bad will have a tendency to manifest in your life. The beauty is that once you understand this you realize that you are in control. You get to decide what you will experience in this life.
Fear is a feeling. It’s a visceral reaction we have to a possibility of an outcome that we do not want. Realizing that that outcome has not happened yet and may not ever need to occur and even better yet, that you hold the key to overcoming the possibility entirely. It has been said that the acronym FEAR stands for is False Evidence Appearing Real. This could not be truer.
How do you get past a fear?
- Switch Focus – occupying your mind and time with other more positive things can help. Do your best to keep your mind off of outcomes you do not wish to happen.
- Face your fears – If you have a fear of something tactile – heights, fire, needles, etc. desensitization can also be helpful. Fear is not logical. Fear is often irrational. Repeated exposure gets your mind and body used to the stimulus often causing the fear to lessen over time. Refusing to face fear keeps it alive. The common tactic of burying your head in the sand does not work and only serves to delay.
- Be easy on yourself – changing old ingrained habits take time and practice. If you find yourself in old patterns of fear based thought, do your best to take some deep breaths and refocus.
- Focused meditation – practicing meditation can help you to clear old patterns subconsciously.
Monarch Wellness offers sessions and classes that can help you get past the fear and on to living a more full and happy life. Visit www.monarchwellness.net to learn more or sign up.
In a world filled with alarm clocks, rush hour traffic, deadlines that must be met, bills to pay and mouths to feed – multitasking, sleep deprivation and stress have become the norm.
Everyone has “one of those days” once in a while. But when stress invades and takes over your world becoming a way of life something needs to change. The human body was not meant to operate on coffee and adrenaline on a daily basis. This type of fast pace high-pressure lifestyle takes its toll on your health, your emotional and spiritual well-being as well as your relationships.
What is stress? – Stress is any physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes the body mentally or physically to be in a state of unrest. But what can you do about it? Quite a bit it turns out! I am going out on a limb to make a controversial and shocking statement. Here goes…are you ready? YOU are creating your life. Pure and simple. Because of this, YOU are the only one who can change it and free yourself from this crazy pace that is taking a toll on your very existence.
“What? No, you just don’t understand” you may think to yourself… “It’s not MY fault, it can’t be. I am not the one causing me all this stress it’s my boss, husband, kids, mother in law, insert another possible scapegoat here____.”
While it is true that you cannot control anyone else’s actions, what you can control is your reaction to them.
The first step in eliminating stress from your life on a permanent basis is to start with the basic concept that you are in fact 100% responsible for your life. Once you do that, you can see clearly what (and sometimes who) is not in your best interest to keep. We know this is a big step for some, but by doing this you not only take responsibility you take back control.
Step two is changing your outlook. What is it that we all want out of life? A new car? A nice house? A vacation to Tahiti? Well, sure. We all like those things. But why? What is at the core of wanting these material items and experiences?
It’s happiness, joy, relaxation, and excitement! I think we can all agree that what we all want most is simple. We want to feel good.
Here are a couple of exercises to help:
When you wake up first thing in the morning jump out of bed and declare out loud “Today is going to be a fantastic day!” You may feel like a complete buffoon doing this at first, and even like you are lying to yourself. It’s ok to feel silly, humor us and do it anyway. Your subconscious hears you and cannot differentiate between the truth and a lie, it believes everything you say to be truth and so accepts it as fact. Believe your day will be fantastic and it will be.
Another very helpful idea is to make a Gratitude List. Any piece of paper will do, just write down everything you have in your life that you feel grateful for. You will be amazed at how much actually ends up on your list. The more you focus on the positive, the more positive you will draw into your life. And in turn, the better you will feel overall!
Some of us start from such a chaotic low place it’s not easy for us to shift to feeling good. Ok, we get that, your goal should be to just feel as good as you can right now. Do something nice for yourself. Take a “me” moment. Go for a walk, have a coffee, just let the world fall away for a minute and allow yourself to be at the center of your world and really be in present time. After all, if you don’t take the time and care for yourself, who will?
Changing the way that you think is no easy task. It takes practice, for the mind is like a child with attention deficit disorder. It runs amuck from thought to thought, making order and serenity difficult at best. Meditation is a good way to practice quieting the mind. Take some time out without distractions and turn on some calm soothing music and just “be” in the stillness. Allow your mind to wander but with the focused intent of being calm and clear and just breathe. With time and practice, you will be able to clear your mind of all thought and you will achieve a serene feeling that will stay with you.
In recent years we have been conditioned in the workplace that in order to succeed we have to do a million things at once and do them correctly. That is a lot of pressure! This is in fact, is not what successful people do. Successful people do one thing at a time with intent and with focus. They use a to-do list not on the computer or on a palm pilot but on good old fashioned paper with a pen or pencil, scratching things off and moving along. Why? Because it’s tactile. It becomes more easily engrained in your mind making it easier to remember.
In order to lead a low-stress existence, let’s summarize:
- Take responsibility for your life. By doing so you take back control.
- Change our outlook, the old saying “fake it till you make it” is more than true. It’s very difficult to be sad when your face is smiling.
- Clear your life of things that stress you out – if you don’t like your job –get another one. The same is to be said for personal relationships – if they are beyond repair, love the other person enough and yourself enough to appreciate it for what it was and what you have learned from them and let it go.
- Take time for yourself – be nice to yourself. You are important!
- Clear your mind and allow peace to become a part of your daily life and realize that you deserve it.
- Organize – When everything is in its proper place it brings balance to both the heart and mind.
- Just breathe – oxygen is very important for the body and most of us breathe way too shallowly. Make sure to breathe from your diaphragm – your shoulders should remain still.
Stress is a top cause of many illnesses as it manifests itself in the body in numerous ways – high blood pressure, anxiety, heart attacks, headache, cancer, depression and many others. Taking steps today to simplify and distress your life could save your health and your life tomorrow.
For classes and one on one sessions that can help alleviate stress and help you relax and gain balance back in your life, visit Monarch Wellness www.monarchwellness.net.
If you are a couple, initially you came together because you liked one another. Eventually, you grew to love one another. Things happen in the course of life that can fracture a relationship and cause people to grow apart, or at least feel that they are.
If you have begun to question whether a relationship is worth holding on to and trying to repair versus just letting it go, being alone or starting over again, no one can answer that for you, but if love remains couples therapy may be an option.
Couples therapy offers the two involved parties a neutral middle ground. Someone impartial who understands relationship dynamics who can mediate and avoid fighting while making progress in communication.
Miscommunication can happen in relationships when interpersonal skills aren’t fully developed. Trust can be broken, criticism, negativity, making mountains out of molehills, burying issues rather than discussing them, infidelity, even lack of physical touch and intimacy can result in pushing the couple farther apart.
The goal is to work towards compromise, understanding, and a middle ground of understanding where the mediation is no longer needed and you can get back to being a fully functional couple.
Monarch Wellness offers sessions geared towards strengthening your relationships, reconnecting with your partner, and re-energizing your marriage. Private sessions are available and classes and workshops are also highly recommended as doing activities together increases and encourages bonding.
Visit http://monarchwellness.net/sessions/connected-couple-program/ to learn more!
Children do best in a structured environment but life almost never follows the path we expect. Normality and schedule tend to go off track when life throws you a curve ball. It is inevitable that at some point something unplanned in the adult realm will spill over and affect the children in the family.
Divorce – No matter what the family situation a divorce to a child is traumatic. Even though the child is not at fault, and parents do their best to explain, children, especially young ones simply do not understand. The loss is felt deeply.
Relocation – Moving to a new town, a new school or a new state uproots the child from everything they are familiar with – their house, their yard, their school, and friends. It can be a shock to the system and not always easy to reacclimate.
New marriage – When a previously divorced parent decides to remarry, adding a new step-parent can be a lot for kids to handle. The introduction of a new, now permanent, authority figure is not always easily accepted.
New step brothers and sisters – This is an especially difficult addition if previously an only child. When they are used to getting all of the attention and suddenly have to share mom or dad’s time and attention, jealousy can rear its head. Personalities may not always mesh and there is certainly an adjustment period.
Adoption – Adoption can be tricky. It is a joyous event in a family’s life, bringing in a child to love and become a part of the family. It is, however, a huge adjustment for other kids already in the family as well as for the adoptive child if they are at an age of cognizance.
The death of a parent – This is without a doubt the hardest life change a child can face. Death to a small child is an abstract concept. They just know the parent is no longer there and they feel the loss to their core. This can also go for the death a beloved pet who is also considered a member of the family.
No matter the reason for the upheaval, children, when knocked off of their normal schedule and routine can feel the stress. Kids also tend to be very in tune with their parents and siblings. They feed off of the emotional levels coming off of them. If you are stressed out and anxious, they tend to be as well.
Teaching kids to deal with change and life’s stress is invaluable as they grow and become adults. Monarch Wellness offers classes and private sessions specializing in self–awareness, self–esteem, dealing with life issues and emotional stress. Please visit www. monarchwellness.net or call (239) 231-3208 to learn more or schedule.
Releasing people from your life who are not good for you is a vital piece in being a well balanced happy emotionally healthy person. It is, however, not easy on any level a lot of the time.
How do you determine if someone is toxic to your life?
- Toxic people create chaos in other people’s lives on a pretty consistent basis
- They expect that you will deal with their drama without question – their problems are your problems
- Your life gets put on the back burner in order to try and help them
- They seem to switch from loving to angry easily and seemingly without reason. They are very unpredictable
- Toxic people are manipulative. Their desired outcome is what matters to them
- They refuse or are unable to admit responsibility for things that go wrong in their lives, always blaming others
- They make you prove yourself to them over and over ie. “If you loved me… If you were really my friend…”
- They never or rarely apologize even when blatantly wrong OR they do so in order to manipulate and continue right on with the same behavior anyway
- They expect you to be there for every crisis but when you need them, the support isn’t available
- Toxic people tend to exaggerate and draw you in
- They are only supportive of you when it fits their own agenda
None of this is to say that these people do not love you in their own way or that you do not love them. Love, however, is not a valid reason to trap yourself in an emotionally draining or even abusive relationship or friendship.
We often mean to help these toxic friends or loved ones when what we are really doing is enabling the behaviors. Setting boundaries is healthy. If they do care about you, they will respect them.
Loving yourself means taking care of yourself. Sometimes taking care of yourself means saying no to other people’s drama, taking a step back and putting some distance between yourself and the other person. It doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you no longer love them. It means that it is time to value yourself and focus on your own life.
www.monarchwellness.net offers many groups as well as private classes and sessions to help get you focused on self-healing and wellness.
Society, in general, is spending less and less time outdoors. We are surrounded by technology and spend hour upon hour staring at the screens on our devices. It is important for our wellbeing to pull ourselves from that hyper focused state and take the time to set them aside, stand up, stretch and go outside.
Spending time in nature has numerous benefits including:
Spending time in nature can help your body heal itself. Spending time outside can help you to reconnect, mind – body, and soul. Fresh air, increased movement, feelings of relaxation all can encourage healing from illness and disease starting within rather than reaching for medication. This can help your body recalibrate and attune naturally.
Activities as simple as taking a walk in the woods are shown to lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone). Spending time in nature also helps to boost your immune function and responses as well as reduce blood pressure.
Give your creativity a boost
Sometimes you just need to step away from a problem or project in order to really gain some perspective. Get out of the office and stop thinking about work for a while. Doing other activities, even if just for a quick reprieve can help replenish creativity. Go for a walk or sit under a tree for lunch.
Improved interpersonal relationships
Once you stop staring at your smartphone and actually make the effort to reconnect with your friends, family and even coworkers you would be surprised at the increased connection. We spend so much time sending emails, texts, and messages, stepping back and having a good old fashioned eye to eye conversation can do you a world of good by reducing stress as well as eye strain.
Monarch Wellness offers programs such as beach yoga to help you ground and reconnect. To learn more please visit www.monarchwellness.net
We live in a people pleasing world. We are taught from a very young age to conform to societal standards of acceptability. We are systematically assigned lessons based on our current age and what we are slated to learn and shuffled through years of education and indoctrination in order and in hopes that we come out the other side of it, productive members of society.
It is left as the responsibility of the parents to encourage their child’s uniqueness to grow and shine. But what if you didn’t happen to grow up in a family where your individuality was encouraged?
What if you made it all the way to adulthood, and still aren’t sure who you are? It sure makes life a lot more difficult.
Getting to really know, appreciate and love yourself is one of the most important gifts you can give yourself. Taking time alone or setting aside days to focus on your own mental and emotional health is vital.
We are, after all, the one and only person who is absolutely guaranteed to be with us our whole life. No matter who comes or go, acquaintance, friend, family member or love, you remain. The more you know and genuinely accept and like yourself the more comfortable you will be not only with yourself but in the presence of others.
Living a happy joyous existence can only happen if you are true to yourself. Follow your feelings, beliefs, and ideals. Say yes when you mean yes, and no when you really mean no. Live without fear of the judgment of others knowing the opinion that really counts in the end when it comes you your life, is you.
You don’t have to make the journey alone. Monarch Wellness offers a whole array of classes geared towards self-exploration and self-growth. Their caring guides and therapists offer the chance to safely explore and push the bounds to test and really find out who you are at a core level.
If you are interested in learning more please visit www.monarchwellness.net and peruse their class schedule.